One Day, I Will Talk On the Phone. Just Not Today.

People think that I don’t answer my phone because I don’t want to talk to them. Umm … no. I would love to have an adult conversation and escape the reality of motherhood. I don’t answer my phone because I can’t HEAR you. And, if I’m totally honest, I have gotten up about three times to deal with one of my kids since writing this.

I am seriously having a hard time writing this because I can’t hear myself think. Why would you believe it’s possible to have a conversation on the phone? Please. Don’t be ridiculous. Add insult to injury; we adopted another dog that will be the size of a horse and has a mouth as loud as a lion. So, no. I can’t talk right now. We haven’t spoken on the phone since 2008. I think you can hold off another decade.

Seriously? Why do people think it’s about them? That I’m trying to avoid them or something. How about think outside the box? When you send me a text message, I reply relatively quickly. And, please. I am NOT calling to catch up during nap time. The mere idea that I might laugh a little too loud and ruin that precious time is OUT of the question.

Look, my house is chaotic and loud. Sometimes, answering the phone adds to that chaos. Trying to have a coherent conversation without being interrupted by a vomiting dog in the background or a kid that thinks it’s the PRIME time to do something DANGEROUS isn’t worth it. That doesn’t mean that you aren’t worth the time. We can connect in other ways. Don’t take it personally. If you care, you’d understand and not make me feel guilty about it. And, to be 100% transparent, I don’t mean that I will NEVER talk on the phone. But my priority isn’t going to be to answer a call when I’m trying to wipe my kid’s ass. And, if I forget to call you back. What can I say? I forget my coffee in the microwave after reheating it all the time.