mother struggle planning for the apocalypse
Mental Illness

Planning for the Apocalypse

I’m not a planner. I don’t organize for tomorrow or the days to come. I tackle the day, moment by moment. It doesn’t matter how prepared I am, the unexpected will, and always fucking happens.

When I found out that school was switched to distant learning, I panicked. One of the main reasons that I haven’t homeschooled my children, even though I’ve been a stay-at-home mom, is that I, seriously, lack the ability to plan. I have ventured into the world of planners, gel pens, and bullet journaling. I couldn’t resist the sparkling illusion of the organization. But, on day four, the gel pen caps are lost in the crevices of the unknown, and planners are forgotten in the depths of my purse.

My mind does not operate on schedules and routines. I look into the future, and all I see is this overwhelming cloud of uncertainty. There are a million different scenarios and outcomes, and all of them must be accounted for. Do you know HOW LONG it takes to plan for the unknown and made-up situations? For fucking ever.

I’ve adapted to rapid critical thinking. I am best prepared to handle a situation when I don’t have a plan. This isn’t to say that my family doesn’t have a routine, but it’s fluid. We adjust to the needs, wants, and desires of that day. As family members would say, “They’re a bunch of unorganized chaos.” It wouldn’t be a lie.

This pandemic doesn’t give a damn about preferences and abilities. It doesn’t matter that I don’t have the tools to be a structured homeschool mother. Thankfully, the school district didn’t abandon us. The teachers have continued working hard to plan lessons for their students. I don’t even have to prepare lunches! The school year hasn’t ended for my children. They must continue their school work, turn in assignments to pass their grade. I’m grateful that I don’t have to plan the school lessons.

Thank you to the teachers that are busting their asses to take the pressure off the parents. This parent, who would have crawled into a ball of madness if given the responsibility of planning her children’s education, is eternally grateful. We’re still a family that thrives on carefree structure and completing school work in our underwear. Our chaos will never change, but our lives have a constant because of the hard work of our teachers.